Thinking Positive

When I was 16 I worked at a little family owned restaurant.  It was a great job.  I loved the people there like a home away from home.  One day my boss said something to me that stuck with me.  At the time it didn’t really make a lot of sense.  I had asked her how she was doing.  I had heard she had been sick.  What she said,  “I don’t have time to be sick.”   It didn’t make sense.  So I asked her what she meant.  Mind over matter she said.  You can make yourself sick or you can make yourself well.  This woman was nothing to joke about.  She was a strong sturdy no frills business woman.  She was the backbone of the company her husband was the “face”  I knew she knew what she was talking about and listened.  For the most part I have tried to implement that way of thinking in my life.

Having came from a rough childhood of foster homes and abuse.  Where as a child the ONLY thing I ever thought about wanting to “Do” or “Be” when I grew up was HAPPY.   I would sit and think.  When I grow up I am never going to let anyone make me feel this way again.  I am going to be happy and free.
I learned through counseling and a lot of self searching.  That in order to find my happiness I had to reach out and forgive those who had done me wrong.  So…  I reached out.  It didn’t go as I had thought it would.  (When does it)
My father was happy.  He apologized for his mistakes and we were able to move forward.  Unfortunately, my mother who I loved dearly did not.  It broke my heart.  She was mentally ill and could not acknowledge any wrong doing on her part.  So from that day forward I never spoke to her again.  She passed away and I did not know for a couple of months.  Very sad.

I could go on and tell all the sordid details of my childhood but that is the past. 
What really matters is here and now.

I have a child who is barely an adult (almost 19)  she lives with her boyfriend.  She is always sick. I mean ALWAYS.  I just don’t understand how this girl who is healthy is so sick.  She blames it on stress.  WHY?  I tell her to try not to stress out so much.  I think she just has to do the exact opposite of me.  I worry that she is going to (if she hasn’t already) make herself terminally ill.  I don’t know for sure that a person can or can not do that.  But I certainly do not want to find out with my daughter.  Every day I text her to see how she is doing.  Every day it is the same migraines and throwing up. Then just recently she fell and sprained her ankle at work.  Causing her to miss work and school.  It is her first year in college and she is struggling.  Already dropped out of 3 classes.  She says she feels like a failure.  This is MY daughter?  This girl who all her childhood years was this tough straight A student who was hardly ever sick.  What has happened?   When your kids grow up and move away.  You don’t worry less. You worry MORE!

I told her today that I am worried about her.  I generally don’t tell my kids that because for the most part I believe everything will work out and be OK.  But I am really starting to get worried about this kid!