It’s been 4 months that he has been gone. The sadness is still there. I keep searching for old pictures as a way to hold on. I don’t want to let go. I still hear his voice all the time but it does seem farther and farther away. I want to know what happened. I want to know how he is now. I want to really be able to see and hear his living face and voice.
Everyday I am reminded of what could have been and it makes me think of what I could have done differently. I know I can’t change the past. I just wish it didn’t affect my future so much.
Thanksgiving is right around the corner. And I just want to be happy again.
I pray every day for the strength and guidance I need.
I can not do this on my own.
On my own I am proud, and selfrighteous which makes me become distant from my child.
With my Heavenly Father guiding me I am humble, and spirituality righteous which brings me closer and more affectionate with my child
I can not find happiness in pride.
Because it only serves to separate and destroy.
I can find joy and blessings in humility because it softens my heart and helps me nurture my most precious blessings.
Monday you will have been gone a month. I still can’t believe you are really gone. I think of you all the time sometimes it feels like you are right here with us.
Other times I we are over come with sadness that makes the tears flow.
I even get mad and scream why??
Why didn’t you say something to me? Why did this happen to us? Why did you die???
I got mad the other day and kicked and broke a door hinge and I kicked a hole in the wall. That wasn’t enough though. I threw a glass at the wall and it DIDN’T break!!! So I threw another one being sure to aim so that it would break.
Nothing quite like sound and the feel of breaking glass when you are so upset that you have to break something.
Bryan you have been gone a month now.
It doesn’t seem real. It upsets me to think that it might be a long time before we can see you and we can be a family again.
If you have been hanging around me sending signs please stay and keep sending them.
We love you. I love you